Clown Week continues, and today Methy Bear is here to ass-rape my childhood with his two-liter bottle of Faygo. What’s next, Juggalos? Maybe you could ruin Rainbow Brite too. She could be called Murda-Go-Round Bitch. Or Carnie Ninjette Hoe. Wicked Voodoo Ryda? I could do this all day.

Well kids, it’s been forever since I’ve shot, screwed, or married anything, so I thought it would be fun to top off the week with a round of our favorite (and only!) game and a tall drink of . . .

Submitted by: Kristoff via Submission Page

Kool-Aid!

Submitted by: Unknown via Submission Page

It’s divisive! Apparently!

Submitted by: Dakota via Submission Page

And, since I couldn’t find a third tattoo of the Kool-Aid Man, here’s one of well known Kool-Aid connoisseur Jim Jones.

I guess I have to shoot Reverend Jones, as I imagine that it would be a politically unpopular decision to do otherwise. I guess I’ll screw the one with a navel for a mouth, because it seems odd to have a navel tattoo without any sexual innuendo, and marry that anthropomorphized glass pitcher full of hate, because I think we’d actually get along just fine (once I pour a fifth of vodka into him).

Let me know how your Kool-Aid crumbles in the comments, and have a great weekend!

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

My concern here is that this McNugget appears to be throwing us a gang sign. You might still be able to get a job at McDonald’s if you have a McNugget tattoo, but not with a McNugget tattoo that’s in a gang.

“Time to deep fry those Chicken Tender motherfuckers. We rollin’ twenty-deep. It’s McNugget time!” [cocks tiny gun]

Submitted by: Rusty Shackleferd via Submission Page

I’m going to be generous and assume this guy got the nickname “White Cheddar” because he’s got a cheesy sense of humor, and not because he costs $6.99 a pound.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

I’ve stared at this for about an hour now, asking myself what exactly it is that I’m looking at. And then the answer came to me: I don’t want to know.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

Well, that’s just adorable. And I do love salt. But if I were to get a tattoo from the spice rack of my childhood, it would have to be this one:

Lawry’s Seasoned Salt. My mom put that sparkly orange shit on everything. Pork chops? Lawry’s Seasoned Salt. Scrambled eggs? Lawry’s Seasoned Salt. Taco seasoning? You don’t need that! We have Lawry’s Seasoned Salt! WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUTTING CHOCOLATE SYRUP ON THAT ICE CREAM WHEN THERE’S LAWRY’S SEASONED SALT??!!!!!

Ahem. What were we talking about?

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

Well guys, I spent yesterday at a bridal shower, so naturally that means that I got inappropriately tanked was up late giggling with my girlfriends over iced tea. If there’s one thing I could use this morning, it’s heroin a steaming hot cup of joe.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

The question is whether to get off my lazy ass and go down the street to buy an overpriced cup of caffeinated BP oil spill or stay here and endure the steaming brown water known as Office Coffee.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

Actually, now that I think about it, my time might be best spent taking a nap under my desk. Abstinence from being awake is the only 100% effective way to prevent me shivving one of my coworkers.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

I kind of disregarded this mug when it first came across my virtual desk a few months back, assuming these fake-looking face tattoos to be, well, fake.

Submitted by: dunno source via Submission Page

But when it came up again, I thought I’d better look into it, and it turns out that this guy is for real, and by “for real,” I mean “crazy.” Billy the Human Billboard is an amateur boxer from Alaska who sells his skin to online companies (including the charmingly titled SheMaleYum.com) for—I shit you not—charity. This guy has turned his face into what my last laptop looked like right before dying of a spyware infection because HE CARES ABOUT ORGAN DONATION.

Did you get that? That part where we went from a CrackWhoreConfessions.com face tattoo to giving away kidneys? Billy also apparently uses the word “fortnight” unironically. I’ve never been so sexually confused in my life.

But I’m still not sure if I like Billy more than Zombie Boy. What do you guys think? Would you kick Zombie Boy out of bed for eating brains so Billy could hop in and donate his organ to you? (Just pretend that made sense.)

Submitted by: Lauren A via Submission Page

I guess this would come in handy (see what I did there?) when people ask you stupid questions. And yet, I can’t help but think that—regardless of Google’s current market share—tech-themed tattoos are the old-man–earring of tomorrow: they’re going to make you look dated. Just ask my Ask Jeeves tramp stamp (and he’ll answer with something totally unrelated to what you’re looking for).

Submitted by: Julia N via Submission Page

So it turns out that co-opting a soft drink slogan to hang over your nether regions like a neon Open sign isn’t just for boys. Sisters are do-the-Dewing it for themselves!